First-Gen Freedom: Rooted in Family, Growing as Me
As first-generation individuals, our values are often strongly influenced by our families. Growing up, we learned behaviors and beliefs by observing those around us. These lessons may have served a purpose at the time, but as we mature, we begin to realize that life isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. We start to challenge the rules and expectations we were taught.
You’ve likely heard phrases like:
“You can’t move out until you’re married.”
“You have to go to school to become someone.”
“Family comes first.”
“Men don’t cry.”
“Don’t talk about your emotions.”
“Get over it.”
“Calladita te ves más bonita.” “¿Tu que sabes?”
“Siéntate y pórtate bien.”
“Vas a ver cuando lleguemos a la casa.”
“Pero ¿por qué no puede ser como tal?” (fill in the blank with a sister, cousin, brother, or friend’s name).
While these messages and behaviors may have shaped us, they also may have held us back in ways we didn’t fully recognize. Eventually, we start asking ourselves: Am I living for me, or am I just trying to make someone else happy?
What do we do when we realize we’ve been following patterns and behaviors that no longer serve us?
Here are a few steps to help guide you:
Set Boundaries – Just because someone else allows certain behaviors doesn’t mean you have to. Protect your space and your peace.
Embrace Change – People may not like the version of you that’s evolving, but that’s okay. Keep growing, anyway.
Trust Yourself – Believe that the changes you’re making will ultimately benefit you, even if others don’t approve.
Take What You Need – Remember, everyone is figuring out life, and no one has all the answers. As an adult, you get to choose what values resonate with you and shape your life.
This isn’t about dismissing the incredible values we’ve inherited as first-gen individuals; rather, it’s about understanding that it’s okay to evolve, to make new choices, and to honor yourself in ways that may look different from what you were taught.
-Stephanie Felix, LCSW
